


infomercials and kayaks and hyenas, oh my!

by allthebees (jamtomorrowandjamyesterday)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, shameless shameless fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 19:49:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamtomorrowandjamyesterday/pseuds/allthebees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Stiles tangent featuring kayaks, infomercials, axes, swords, the practice of cutting off a thief’s hands and hyenas. Derek doesn't know why he puts up with this and Stiles is banned from the internet.</p><p>Crossposted at my tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	infomercials and kayaks and hyenas, oh my!

**Author's Note:**

> Because April made me write a oneshot involving all the things that were discussed at dinner on a Monday night and this is what happened.

“We went kayaking once on a school trip,” Stiles pants as they pass the house for the second time. Derek doesn’t know how he’s still talking. “My arms were _so_ sore afterwards. Not to mention Scott flipped us because he’s a dick. You’d be that guy too, wouldn’t you? Have you ever been kayaking?” He huffs out a breathless laugh when Derek cuts a disbelieving glance at him out of the corner of his eye. “What am I talking about, you could probably benchpress the kayak, couldn’t you? You-you benchpress them in your spare time, right?”  
  
“When would I find time to benchpress kayaks around keeping you lot out of trouble?” Derek asks as he silently steers Stiles around a camouflaged ditch. It’s right in the middle of their running path and he makes a mental note to have a word to Erica about keeping the prank wars to specified areas.  
  
Stiles grins, all teeth and red cheeks and sweat, and Derek rolls his eyes. “When you ind-indulge your infomercial addiction!” he says and Derek has to put himself between the younger man and a tree.  
  
“You’re a fucking hazard, you know that?” he says instead of acknowledging that he may have a slight infomercial problem. “There was a tree _right_ there.”  
  
“Cut ‘em all down,” Stiles declares, breath still laboured, with a flail of his arms and a very unsteady leap over a large branch. “They sell axes… in informercial slots, right? You’d make a-a smokin’ lumberjack.”  
  
“If you still have breath to talk then you aren’t running fast enough,” Derek says but they both know he won’t actually up the pace. Sometimes he wishes he knew how to not give in to all the dictators in his life. Stiles huffs out another chuckle and veers in front of Derek. “Jesus, Stiles, in a _straight line_! It isn’t this hard to run in a straight line, I swear.”  
  
“I bet you could c-cut down a tree with a _sword_ , Derek,” Stiles continues and Derek adjusts his position accordingly with a sigh. “They-they used to cut off thieves’ hands with swords in some places. I did a… a whole paper on it. Life is s-so tough for kleptos, man.”  
  
“What are you even talking about?” Derek asks in disbelief. “How the hell did we get from kayaks to kleptomaniacs? That doesn’t even-”  
  
“Shhhh,” Stiles drawls and Derek has to physically reach out and adjust his course to avoid the next tree when Stiles glances sideways at him with another grin that raises his heart-rate more than the entire run so far. “Don’t ask questions. They did…” He sucks in a giant breath. “They totally did it in Africa and in s-some places they fed the hands to _hyenas_.”  
  
“You’re banned from Wikipedia,” Derek mutters, snagging Stiles’ elbow to redirect him, and starts the loop back towards the house. “Your internet privileges are being revoked.”


End file.
